Slept like a baby, although... I have to confess I have a tendency to overdo... I start feeling better and somehow become convinced that I'm again immortal and incapable of being wounded. I should know better than that... So I was sore last night, and my ankle was swollen, though not on the outside, but on the inside. I think I may have irritated some compensating tendons. Somehow. Ya know.
I have two gigs today and one tomorrow. Ordinarily, this would put me in a coma. Monday will be a big milestone for me.
I had two very clear dreams and remember much of both. One of them I dreamed in the wee hours, which is very unusual for me. One between 6AM and 7:15, which is more normal, though infrequent. I must be getting a LOT more REM sleep.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Life on a CPAP, Day 4
I went to a concert last night with my son, was out until almost 1AM, and didn't end up feeling sick from exhaustion. That's a HUGE deal to me. I was tired, sure, but not so tired that I felt impaired in any way, and I am quite functional today. I even read a couple chapters of my book when I got home to settle down.
Concert, by the way, was FABULOUS. The Dirty Three and Dark Dark Dark. Dark Dark Dark are very very good, interesting and poetic stuff. Piano, accordion, electric banjo, bass and drums... Gotta love that. For me it was sort of a break - I usually am trying to watch the players and cop some licks from them, but I don't play ANY of those things, so I just sat back and enjoyed. And enjoyable they were. Look them up at brightbrightbright.com. The Dirty Three... Wow, what is there to say about them? They are wild, primal, brilliant, stupidly intelligent, drunken virtuosos from Australia who play wild, primal, brilliant, stupidly intelligent, drunken masterpieces that are either minutely rehearsed or pulled out of their asses on the fly, I couldn't decide which. Warren Ellis (the fiddler, not the screenwriter, although he's awesome, too) is my new hero.
This morning, I slept in until about 9:30, got up feeling great, puttered around, played some fiddle, taught a lesson, and now I'm doing some laundry. Hey, it's that sort of lazy, quiet day for me. Friday is my Saturday. Saturdays I generally am out working my ass off. Nothing new to report about the CPAP experience today, except that I am not suffering any ill effects from being out until 1 last night. That's new. Boy is that new.
Concert, by the way, was FABULOUS. The Dirty Three and Dark Dark Dark. Dark Dark Dark are very very good, interesting and poetic stuff. Piano, accordion, electric banjo, bass and drums... Gotta love that. For me it was sort of a break - I usually am trying to watch the players and cop some licks from them, but I don't play ANY of those things, so I just sat back and enjoyed. And enjoyable they were. Look them up at brightbrightbright.com. The Dirty Three... Wow, what is there to say about them? They are wild, primal, brilliant, stupidly intelligent, drunken virtuosos from Australia who play wild, primal, brilliant, stupidly intelligent, drunken masterpieces that are either minutely rehearsed or pulled out of their asses on the fly, I couldn't decide which. Warren Ellis (the fiddler, not the screenwriter, although he's awesome, too) is my new hero.
This morning, I slept in until about 9:30, got up feeling great, puttered around, played some fiddle, taught a lesson, and now I'm doing some laundry. Hey, it's that sort of lazy, quiet day for me. Friday is my Saturday. Saturdays I generally am out working my ass off. Nothing new to report about the CPAP experience today, except that I am not suffering any ill effects from being out until 1 last night. That's new. Boy is that new.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Day 3
I cannot remain quiet about this. I have to tell the world. This may be the most significantly transformative thing I have ever done.
I woke up at 6:30 this morning, got out of bed, stood upright and WALKED to the bathroom. Now, this is significant because A) I stood straight up instead of being hunched over in pain, B) I WALKED, not stumbled nor shuffled; and C) I had not struggled out of bed 3 or 4 times during the night to pee like a racehorse for the first time in... Well, possibly a decade or more. I slept the untroubled sleep of a mature, healthy woman. I awoke feeling refreshed, alert, and in no pain. And I woke up next to the man I love, and after a quick detour to pee, I felt alive, alert, and GOOD enough to make love with the man I love. At 6:30AM. I shit you not.
It took me a while longer to realize the full extent of my well-being (I was, after all, a wee bit distracted). I was standing in the kitchen doing my dishes when I realized there was no tension in my chest, no tightness, no feeling of trauma. I could take a full breath without pain. I could extend my arms, arch my spine, tilt my head up to the sky. I began to take an inventory of all the other pains and issues that had been plaguing me - the chronic inflammation in my hips, the constant full-body ache, the feeling that every single tendon was pissed off. Gone. I looked down at my right ankle. The one I broke in March that was still swollen - oops, swelling gone. I had a full range of motion with it - for the first time since before I broke it.
It's been THREE NIGHTS. THREE NIGHTS of uninterrupted, healing, restful, restorative sleep, and my body is beginning to literally transform. All the suffering, all the pain, all the exhaustion, all the little nagging discomforts, as well as the big chronic ones, are melting away. I am not taking medication, I am simply BREATHING and getting REM sleep. This is IMPORTANT.
I cannot believe that a mere week ago, I would wake up at 11:30 or midnight, after an hour or so of sleep, look at the clock and despair; "How am I going to make it through this night?" And I had NO idea what was happening to me. No clue. No knowledge of the oxygen deprivation. No idea that I wasn't getting REM sleep. But I would wake up in the wee hours feeling like I had single-handedly taken on the Roman Legion. The constant fight for breath was wearing me down before I even had a chance to wake up and start the day.
IF you feel like I have described, IF you snore, if heart disease, stroke, diabetes or any other life-threatening issues run in your family, don't fuck around. Don't wait, and above all don't be ashamed. I snore like a friggin' pirate, but that doesn't mean I am somehow a bad person, deficient, flawed... It just means my airways are too small and they collapse at night. Do yourself the biggest favor of your life and take some action. Do something about this. Sleep the sleep you deserve, rest and be healed.
Blessed be. Earthalujah.
I woke up at 6:30 this morning, got out of bed, stood upright and WALKED to the bathroom. Now, this is significant because A) I stood straight up instead of being hunched over in pain, B) I WALKED, not stumbled nor shuffled; and C) I had not struggled out of bed 3 or 4 times during the night to pee like a racehorse for the first time in... Well, possibly a decade or more. I slept the untroubled sleep of a mature, healthy woman. I awoke feeling refreshed, alert, and in no pain. And I woke up next to the man I love, and after a quick detour to pee, I felt alive, alert, and GOOD enough to make love with the man I love. At 6:30AM. I shit you not.
It took me a while longer to realize the full extent of my well-being (I was, after all, a wee bit distracted). I was standing in the kitchen doing my dishes when I realized there was no tension in my chest, no tightness, no feeling of trauma. I could take a full breath without pain. I could extend my arms, arch my spine, tilt my head up to the sky. I began to take an inventory of all the other pains and issues that had been plaguing me - the chronic inflammation in my hips, the constant full-body ache, the feeling that every single tendon was pissed off. Gone. I looked down at my right ankle. The one I broke in March that was still swollen - oops, swelling gone. I had a full range of motion with it - for the first time since before I broke it.
It's been THREE NIGHTS. THREE NIGHTS of uninterrupted, healing, restful, restorative sleep, and my body is beginning to literally transform. All the suffering, all the pain, all the exhaustion, all the little nagging discomforts, as well as the big chronic ones, are melting away. I am not taking medication, I am simply BREATHING and getting REM sleep. This is IMPORTANT.
I cannot believe that a mere week ago, I would wake up at 11:30 or midnight, after an hour or so of sleep, look at the clock and despair; "How am I going to make it through this night?" And I had NO idea what was happening to me. No clue. No knowledge of the oxygen deprivation. No idea that I wasn't getting REM sleep. But I would wake up in the wee hours feeling like I had single-handedly taken on the Roman Legion. The constant fight for breath was wearing me down before I even had a chance to wake up and start the day.
IF you feel like I have described, IF you snore, if heart disease, stroke, diabetes or any other life-threatening issues run in your family, don't fuck around. Don't wait, and above all don't be ashamed. I snore like a friggin' pirate, but that doesn't mean I am somehow a bad person, deficient, flawed... It just means my airways are too small and they collapse at night. Do yourself the biggest favor of your life and take some action. Do something about this. Sleep the sleep you deserve, rest and be healed.
Blessed be. Earthalujah.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Morning 2
I slept way better last night. I think I'm getting used to the sound of it, and to the odd feeling of breathing through it. Did NOT get up ridiculously early with Michael, decided to snooze in another hour. Had a very strange dream about my parents house, laundry on the clothes line, and Mom in a rush to get the clothes in so I could get off to the Republican Convention. I poked her chest and said, "What? Have you MET me?" I have never been so disrespectful to my mother! The lesson here is, calling me "Republican" is an insult which I will not allow to go unchallenged. Harrumph. (I must really hate those old rich white male misogynistic motherfuckers...)
That was the first dream I remember so far. Eesh.
The only thing bugging me now is that my nose hurts... The mask is causing some irritation around my nostrils, so I'm hoping that settles down soon. Really sore. I loosened the part of the strap that goes over my head, and that helped. Maybe tonight will be even better. I'm awake, alert, and feeling pretty darn good this morning.
That was the first dream I remember so far. Eesh.
The only thing bugging me now is that my nose hurts... The mask is causing some irritation around my nostrils, so I'm hoping that settles down soon. Really sore. I loosened the part of the strap that goes over my head, and that helped. Maybe tonight will be even better. I'm awake, alert, and feeling pretty darn good this morning.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Thoughts on this new adventure with the CPAP machine
I snore like a pirate. Used to just snore like a sailor, then it got worse - apnea. Started feeling really, really shitty, gained some weight for NO reason, knew disaster was about to strike, so... Bit the bullet, had a sleep study, got the CPAP machine - which stands for Continuous Positive Airway Pressure. And yes, it is a huge change, and wow, it makes a huge difference.
For the record, I did not like the mask. I have asthma, and the mask is too much like breathing your own breath. I hate breathing stale, warm air. So they gave me this little mask with little pillow-like things that go into your nostrils. As long as you keep your mouth closed, it works really well, and apparently I do.
I slept with it on last night. I must have slept some, because the night passed in clunky intervals... but I was awake a lot, because this thing is just so weird. But, I think I was awake less than usual, and didn't wake myself up snoring, and didn't have to fight for my breath, and probably had a stable oxygen saturation level and uninterrupted REM sleep... And I did wake up when the alarm went off feeling strangely refreshed... I actually got up with Michael, which surprised the heck out of us both.
Not that everything is 100% roses at this point... No, I'm at the very beginning stages of recovery from this serious condition, and I have got to try to remember to cut myself some slack. Like this afternoon, for example, I decided to take a nap instead of trying to power through the sleepiness. So I think I will try keeping this little online journal to recount the experiences I have as I go forward.
For the record, I did not like the mask. I have asthma, and the mask is too much like breathing your own breath. I hate breathing stale, warm air. So they gave me this little mask with little pillow-like things that go into your nostrils. As long as you keep your mouth closed, it works really well, and apparently I do.
I slept with it on last night. I must have slept some, because the night passed in clunky intervals... but I was awake a lot, because this thing is just so weird. But, I think I was awake less than usual, and didn't wake myself up snoring, and didn't have to fight for my breath, and probably had a stable oxygen saturation level and uninterrupted REM sleep... And I did wake up when the alarm went off feeling strangely refreshed... I actually got up with Michael, which surprised the heck out of us both.
Not that everything is 100% roses at this point... No, I'm at the very beginning stages of recovery from this serious condition, and I have got to try to remember to cut myself some slack. Like this afternoon, for example, I decided to take a nap instead of trying to power through the sleepiness. So I think I will try keeping this little online journal to recount the experiences I have as I go forward.
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